Part of the path of healing and self-love, and getting to those life changing goals is dealing with the fact that negative thoughts are a part of who we are. It’s not in denying its existence that will free you, but in understanding what they mean and taking ownership of the choices that follow those thoughts.
Negative thoughts are like a weed. It comes from a seed you planted way back when you started putting things together to create your interpretation of reality. This usual begins right around the time you start caring what people think when you run around the pool naked with your bib in your mouth. It starts that early. Your thoughts instantly dictate how you view yourself in the world. When those thoughts come up, you almost immediately tie in a body response— that being a stimulus reaction that has been crafted your entire life. That stimulus response is tied into your emotions. This is when shit starts to feel very real.
How it works: Let’s say you’re born in a very privileged household and you were given everything without working like most people have to. Then the way the world works for you is that you deserve the best with minimal effort. Maybe you were also neglected by your parents, so money and status become a key value in your life, or at least much more so than family and love. It’s part of your subconscious. You might become an asshole. Your negative thoughts form from the fact that you don’t understand love and hard work, so if you are ever put in position to instantly feel those factors, your immediate stimulus is uncomfortableness, followed by anger, envy, jealousy, or maybe you’re just completely shut off all together.
Maybe you come from a childhood that was so much less privileged. You were raised to value hard work, value family and patience, and you form a pattern of thoughts centred around those values. You watched your family struggle to make rent. You weren’t an asshole growing up. Maybe you dealt with privileged assholes. Now you develop an idea of unworthiness, that maybe you truly don’t deserve this amazing lifestyle you wish you had.
Those thoughts will happen. We’re talking about 20-40 years of your mind forming these ideologies together.
The process I will share with you to remove negative thoughts instantly is not easy, but it’s effective. Once those thoughts happen, for whatever reason: He/she looked at me wired; I got picked last in gym class again; They ‘will’ rejected me so why bother; I have to work twice as hard as him. I wish my parents loved me.
Now comes the discipline part. You will have to teach yourself to always ask these questions almost immediately following these emotions:
Question 1: why do I feel this way? Be honest with yourself because if you’re not, you’re only hurting yourself. Try to answer quickly. Don’t let yourself get carried away with adding a lot of but’s, if’s and can’t’s to the truth. More than likely, the truth is the one that feels like the hardest pill to swallow. Once you ask and answer, follow it up with question 2: Is this the kind of person I really want to be? This is where we need to be very real with ourselves.
It’s you vs. you. Talking to yourself. Being real with yourself.
Follow this with question 3: Is this person getting me any closer to my dreams or holding me back? Don’t just get wordy with this and write what you think you should hear. That’s not how this works. Sit with it. Feel it. If it hurts you, feel that pain. Marry yourself to it. Teach yourself to start understanding why that pain is there. Let you brain start piecing it together. And here’s the final question: Can I let this feeling go right now and move on? The answer is always yes. Because it’s a choice. Because if you train yourself to live in those negative thoughts and create a vision of yourself on the other side of it, instant release and forward pull.
Remember, your thoughts are instant. Give yourself 5 minutes to sit with them and ask yourself these 4 questions. Watch how quickly you start to change your perspective. But you need to ask those questions and stop bullshitting your reasons to justify the negative thoughts in the first place.
Then watch how life starts to become much easier than you expected.